Is this some sort of game?

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 08/15/2017 at 18:46 • Filed to: None

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This is an email I received from someone at one of my former jobs. Apparently, they need a file. What file? I think I’m supposed to guess.

I think they’re an intern, and I would never be mean or sarcastic to an intern. But still, holy shit, what possessed them to not include ANY context? This is not how you do email.

Nibby > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 18:49

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hey can you send me the thing from the thing that time ago

Honeybunchesofgoats > Nibby 08/15/2017 at 18:51

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If I were an asshole, I’d have said something like “Oh, THE file? Of course, I have multiple copies” and attached a blank Word doc.

benjrblant > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 18:56

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Computer replaced? Cannot find file? Data loss is a cruel bitch.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 18:58

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I would be so very tempted to send a .zip of death.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 19:00

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Sounds like a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. My response would be to send them a garbage core dump from a server.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 19:05

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And how long ago was this? Sounds like a massive SEP (Someone Else’s Problem) field to me.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 19:18

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The one (or dozen or so) times you could legitimately respond with a meme.

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW 08/15/2017 at 19:19

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The file? Like, two or three.

Normally, I’d agree but my former boss from there still helps me professionally, so I can’t be a dick.

Kiltedpadre > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 19:21

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This sounds like a good time to discuss the rates you charge when working as a consultant $60,000 per hour sounds reasonable when the task at hand will take 30 seconds.

PS9 > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 19:30

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I wanna play a game. You now have a pacemaker attached to your heart. The battery inside is that of a galaxy note 6. Don’t worry, you can avoid exploding your heart if you find and transmit the decativation file to the pacemaker! The file is on a computer somewhere on earth.

You have 10 minutes.

ttyymmnn > benjrblant 08/15/2017 at 19:33

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There are two kinds of computer users: Those who have lost data, and those who will lose data.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 20:14

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That changes things quite a bit. I don’t think I’d ever be a dick to an old company, though it might be tempting. The cooler they are, the more effort I’d put in though.

Part of me wonders why they’re looking for a 3 year old file, but then again, I’ve been deposed over shit from ten years prior, so who knows?

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW 08/15/2017 at 20:18

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There was a FileMaker database that I made that everyone insisted I make available. I’m pretty sure that’s what this is about, and I’m pretty sure some dumb fuck deleted it, because when I started working there, they were accessing an Access database directly from a shared folder, so they’re not exactly computer literate.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Honeybunchesofgoats 08/15/2017 at 21:22

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I have that problem at my current job. “You need to work off the server!” Ummm, no. First, the files I use are too big and you will complain about that. Second, all of my work requires interdependent files and somebody always moves the files, breaking all of the internal links. Just why they think they are better at organizing my files than I am, I will never know.

Honeybunchesofgoats > TheRealBicycleBuck 08/15/2017 at 21:29

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I remember having the following conversation with IT:

“I need a static IP to my desktop.”

“We can’t do that. IPs are all dynamic. That’s how it goes.”

“My office is running Access off of the shared folders and they’re accessing the database directly from the folder. When they lose data because two people were using it at the same time, guess who they’re going to call to restore it”

“... I’ll need your department head to sign off on giving you a static IP.”